Here at the Coffee House we’re always banging on about how carbon offset schemes are just an updated form of indulgence, where a donation and a simple act of contrition are enough to ease our consciences without actually changing very much. Now the Catholic Church is getting in on the act, with a new line in “green confessions” to help eco-sinners find forgiveness from God.

Dom Anthony Sutch, a Benedictine monk, was at Waveney Greenpeace fair in Suffolk last weekend to hear eco-confessions, in what is thought to be the first dedicated priestly confessional booth of its kind. Dressed in a green vestment-style garment made from recycled curtains, and in a booth constructed of recycled doors, he heard the sins of those who have not recycled the things they ought to have done, and who have consumed the things they ought not to have done.

This is where the snappy punchline should go, but frankly I’m lost for words.

More…. 

Fed up with all that worthy talk about carbon credits? Do you want to make a real difference to the environment? Some enterprising Americans may have the answer. The nice people at carbondeductions.com offer you the chance to kill trees to offset carbon credits. They have a mission statement:

“The reason we sell Carbon Debits is simple – we want to take away the pathetic excuse of Carbon Credits from those liberals who hide their shame filled lives behind money-bought lunacy. Carbon Credits are simply a way for the rich (Al Gore) to continue to hypocritically live lives that look nothing like what they try to enforce on everyone else in society. We want to take away those excuses.

Our goal is to completely wipe out every Carbon Credit ever bought by selling their nullifying opposite – the Carbon Debit. The guilt and shame that caused people to buy Carbon Credits in the first place will be placed back on them as we let them know that their actions caused us to nullify their credits. They are the cause of us killing trees; they need to face up to their guilt.

This message is important for one reason – Far Left Liberals are lunatics that operate solely on shame of themselves, their success, their country, and their wealth. It is time to expose their ideas and self-defeating idiocy – and selling Carbon Debits is the best way to do that.”

They do a nice line in T-shirts, but their real earners are the ‘Carbon Debit Packages’:

A bit pricey for me, although their tree-killer looks like a lot of fun. However, at $29.95 the ‘Make a Liberal Friend an Enemy’ package is an absolute steal and my own personal favourite. Who says the Americans don’t do irony?

Have we upset somebody? Test the url of your choice at greatfirewallofchina.org/test.